By Amy White
The Texas Catholic
As a retired hospice nurse, Mary Ellen Pereyra cannot count the number of hands she held and prayers she lifted, not only for the injured and ill patients that came to her for care but also for an often-overlooked group: the caregivers. From filling medications to scheduling appointments, the work of caregivers is crucial but often hidden, the parishioner of Holy Family Catholic Church in Van Alstyne said — a fact that she, as a longtime caregiver herself, knows personally.
For the past 20 years, Pereyra has tirelessly taken on the responsibility of caring for her oldest son. Following his diagnosis with multiple sclerosis, which affects the central nervous system, he experienced nerve pain in his hands, a weakened autoimmune system, and a loss of feeling from his waist down. His health took another serious hit when he developed Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, or POTS. The condition affects blood flow and heart rate, causing chest pain, brain fog, and a slew of other serious symptoms.
Under the toll of both complex neurological conditions, Pereyra’s son struggled to keep up with the demands of his own care — the many appointments, therapies, and medications. He needed support; and Pereyra stepped in to provide it.
As a longtime nurse — first in medical-surgical nursing then hospice care — Pereyra had a unique experience of the major life change. In her personal life, she had taken on a long list of to-dos for her son: selecting doctors, picking up prescriptions, monitoring blood pressure levels. In her professional life, meanwhile, she found that she could closely identify with the families that brought their loved ones to see her. She felt their frustrations, their joys, and their heartbreaks.
“Being a caregiver to your own kids is a blessing, but it also has a lot of additional stresses that go with it,” Pereyra shared. “I learned, as a nurse, to focus on helping the caregivers get through their own experience too, because it’s hard giving up your whole life to your family.”
As a caregiver herself, Pereyra said, she was aware that the daily sacrifices of many of the family members she encountered went largely unnoticed. They needed someone to notice, she said, and to listen and to understand.
“I always sat down with them, and I said, ‘Okay, tell me what’s going on today,’ and I would listen; and I think listening was the biggest thing that I did,” she recalled. “I knew what it was like to take care of somebody … and they knew that I was on the same page as they were.”
Now retired, Pereyra has continued to have a heart for the overlooked, overworked caregivers that toil behind the scenes to provide care for their loved ones. With an eye toward their care, she developed a three-pronged consoling ministry at Holy Family two years ago. The program encompasses a ministry for the sick and homebound, a bereavement ministry, and an aftercare ministry, which provides families, including former caregivers, with emotional and social support following the death of a loved one.
“These families are really hurting,” she said. “I wanted to teach people how to be helpful to these people and supportive and let them know that we are here for them and that we will be here for them, even in this new change in their life.”
As she continues to heed her calling to provide care, both at church and at home, Pereyra said she relies on God to see her through its challenges.
“I do an awful lot of praying, especially in the last 20 years,” she said. “The prayers and everything have really gotten me through it.”
Mass for Caregivers
In a special way, the retired nurse joined in prayer with the larger community of caregivers on Feb. 11, the World Day of the Sick, during the Diocese of Dallas’ Mass for Caregivers. The Mass took place at St. Mark the Evangelist Catholic Parish in Plano; and it invited people who care for loved ones in nursing homes, memory care centers, hospitals, and their own homes to find support in one another and in their shared faith.
“This Mass for Caregivers has really come out of our homebound ministry effort,” said Kevin Prevou, associate director of the office of Catholic Social Ministries for the Diocese of Dallas. “As we started looking at what are some ways that we can expand to meet the needs of people in our communities, one of the groups of people that we kept finding are the people who are caring for folks who are homebound.”
The Mass was an opportunity for these members of the diocese to come together as a community of caregivers, united by a common faith and mission.
“I think it’s reassuring to us that the Church supports those who they don’t see,” Pereyra said. “They don’t see these people at home taking care of these families, the endless driving back and forth to doctors and to therapy and whatever they have … It’s nice to be able to feel that we’re not forgotten.”
Cutline for featured image: Mary Ellen Pereyra, a parishioner of Holy Family Catholic Church in Van Alstyne, poses for a photo prior to the Diocese of Dallas Mass for Caregivers, which was hosted at St. Mark the Evangelist Catholic Parish in Plano on Feb. 11, the World Day of the Sick. Pereyra, a retired hospice nurse, has served as a caregiver to her oldest son over the past two decades. (MICHAEL GRESHAM/The Texas Catholic)
