By Father John Bayer, O. Cist.
Special to The Texas Catholic
With Thanksgiving Day coming up, and given the social climate in our country, I am moved to reflect on the connection between love and criticism.
If we love someone, can we ignore their weaknesses? Of course not. For if we love someone, we will sometimes need to correct them, gently and prudently, because we will want them to grow and enjoy all goodness.
And what about the opposite? That is, can we criticize someone we do not love? Think about it. What are we really doing in that moment? If we do not love them, then we do not cherish their happiness or enjoy promoting their excellence. In that case, when we criticize, we are not trying to help them but rather just stewing in frustration or, even worse, tearing them down.
The monastic tradition keeps love and criticism together, because monks are committed to conversion — to continuous self-examination and unflagging hope for renewal and growth for themselves and everyone else. Evagrius of Pontus (c. 345-399), an ancient monk, once wrote, “Happy is the monk who views the welfare and progress of all men with as much joy as if it were his own.”
This fraternal spirit of conversion is a necessary contribution to the culture of any nation, including the United States of America. Without this spirit of self-examination and solidarity, we will fail to grow, and instead we will just foster division. We must pursue conversion, and we must do it together in love.
To pursue conversion together, we need to overcome our fears of being criticized. It is a good thing if the right people at the right time help us see our weaknesses and areas for growth; and it is a good thing if we get used to second-guessing ourselves — not with the hand-wringing anxiety that leaves us afraid to act, but with the courage of someone who can act without needing to believe he is unassailable. Act boldly and always be ready to course correct — that is humility.
To pursue conversion together, we also need to be able to criticize others with love, but we really need to be sure we truly love those we criticize. If we cannot say we love them, then we should hold our tongue and first work on our own hearts, so that we might one day love them well enough to be able to help them grow.
As Thanksgiving Day approaches, let me encourage us all to a healthy spirit of conversion by offering a monkish reading of “The Star Spangled Banner.” As an American, I love our anthem; but I also love it as a monk, because I read it as a courageous and hopeful examination of conscience. Here it is.
“O say can you see, by the dawn’s early light,
What so proudly we hail’d at the twilight’s last gleaming,
Whose broad stripes and bright stars through the perilous fight
O’er the ramparts we watch’d were so gallantly streaming?
And the rocket’s red glare, the bombs bursting in air,
Gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.
O say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?”
Essentially, the anthem boils down to a single question: Is our flag still there? That is, are we as a people still there? Have we persevered through the night of trial? Or have we been defeated, either by death or by compromising our identity? Even if we have survived physically, are we still that same people who once aspired to live in the land of the free and the home of the brave?
Our anthem is not about chest-thumping or historical grievances or vain self-love. It is about self-examination. It is about fidelity to ideals; it is about the courage to fight through the night, to be the heroic kind of people who can be recognized by their endurance in the light of suffering — in the light of bombs bursting in air.
On this Thanksgiving Day, let me challenge us all to renew our love for our country and our gratitude to God for the blessings we enjoy here. If we are not fully satisfied with our country, good. Let us peacefully join the communion of pilgrims in every age who still have a journey to make. But before we criticize our country — or ourselves and anyone else — let us be sure that we can truly say we love our country, as well as ourselves and everyone else in it. Just don’t criticize someone you cannot yet say you love. We are at grave risk of committing the sin of hatred when we speak negatively without love. One way to recognize whether you love someone is the sincerity with which you pray for their happiness and excellence and the diligence and generosity with which you examine their position before starting to criticize.
Father John Bayer, O. Cist., is a monk at the Cistercian Abbey of Our Lady of Dallas in Irving.
Cutline for featured image: A file photo shows U.S. troops praying before eating a Thanksgiving meal at a NATO base in Kabul, Afghanistan. (OSV News photo/Omar Sobhani, Reuters)
